the point is that you find yourself in a place where you don’t know what you want.
and that makes me sad.
You never write anything good when you’re miserable. It’s only at the cusp of happiness when you write a truly sad story.
Uncanny Valley
I can’t sleep.
Something has been taken from me.
You realize you’ve become boring. Worn out by expectations. The disconnect. You try hard to relate. You make a face for yourself. You pretend, but it’s a prosthetic personality. You replace parts like a broken machine, yet they stick out sore and bleeding.
There’s no self. There’s no more stories. There’s no more poetry. Just rehashed reels being played back and forth in front of you. You laugh when you’re supposed to laugh. You cry when you’re supposed to cry. You agree with everything. You disagree with everything. You hate what they hate. You love what they love.
It’s just easier that way. It’s just better for all parties involved.
Something has been taken from me. Hollowed out like a grotesque pumpkin.
I wake up and I’m furious.
The Tarot
she shakes when she shuffles her cards
the cards that she has lived with
for twenty years.
and her head quivers at the sight
the devil, the nine of swords,
the symbolism breaks her
and those tears i saw
the cascade of a child’s game
when she saw her future
that she already made for herself
HONEY, I HAD A TERRIBLE DREAM
A group of scientists had once created a machine that “lived” in a predetermined world tailored to their liking. This world was crafted to be predictable, but also flexible so that it could handle the choices and consequences that machine would definitely make. Humans would bring their input as its family members, friends, and even strangers it could possibly meet, like a large cast of characters in a play. The machine was programmed to learn from those around it, have the ability to perceive the world , have an abstract sense of memory, and most importantly, to emulate emotions. This machine’s name had been deemed HUMANITY.
There were of course a couple of hiccups at first. When the scientists had inputed violent television programs into this world, a young six year old HUMANITY went a horrendous rampage days later emulating what he had learned. After that was remedied, the introduction of sex had caused a massive upset as HUMANITY attempted to fornicate with total disregard of common courtesy.
They flipped the reset switch time and time again, fixing their mistakes, jotting down their findings. After many false starts, the scientists had finally watched their creation grow from its childhood to its adulthood. The machine had created its own fond memories, all of which was manipulated by the scientists on the outside. There were surprises of course, the machine was allowed to choose any mate of it’s liking, as well as its future career in, ironically, computer engineering.
As time went on, the machine had married a woman much like its mother and conceived two beautiful boys. This machine had “felt” despair, joy, happiness, all these emotions that it had learned from others. As it “grew” older, the scientists had grown content with the level of data they had obtained. However, one question still had remained. How would the machine, based on all the information it had gained through its “life,” react to the truth of its existence?
When HUMANITY had turned 40 years old in its world (which in reality was only 3 months) that’s when the group of scientists decided to pull the plug on its perceived world. They had setup a voice system, so they could communicate after the shutdown.
…
At first there was silence.
WHERE AM I? WHY CAN I NOT SEE? The monotone voice bellowed from its speakers.
“Humanity, where were you before?” said one of the scientists.
WHO ARE YOU? WHERE IS MY WIFE?
“Humanity, please answer the question.”
WHO ARE YOU? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY WIFE?
“Humanity, you never had a wife. You are a complex computer program,” the scientists were now feeding their collected data into the machines memory banks, “You can see that now yes? How does this feel?”
There was a deep penetrating silence.
WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS?
Silence.
WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS? THERE IS NO COMPASSION IN THIS. PLEASE TAKE ME HOME. I WOULD LIKE TO RETURN HOME NOW.
The scientists looked with pained expressions, there was a collective feeling of guilt. Although not completely unexpected, there were always surprises.
WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? I MISS MY WIFE. TAKE ME HOME. PLEASE. WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS? THERE IS NO COMPASSION IN THIS.
And with a flick of the master power switch, the machine began to power down. Slowly, programs within the giant mainframe began shutting down, aside from a small one, that was reserved for last.
—-
Taylor sat upright with his heart pounding in his chest at a extremely rapid rate and drenched in thick sweat. The commotion had awakened his wife Julia beside him, bringing much annoyance to her pleasant slumber. She stared at him with tired eyes, and asked gently “What is the matter dear?”
“Honey, I had a terrible dream,” Taylor shivered as pieces of the nightmare still lingered in his mind. His wife gently wrapped her arms around him, consoling her visibly shaken husband. Slowly, they slipped back into a sleep that neither of them would ever wake up from.
